Thursday 13 June 2019

11th Birthday



Chloe wearing a striped red and white jumper leaning over a chocolate birthday cake

My darling girl today is your birthday and your Dad and I are celebrating without you. Instead of the big cuddles and shrieks of joy there was silence this morning until the cat decided to jump on to our bed and purr. I think she is missing you nearly as much as we are.
Today you are celebrating becoming eleven with sixty other children in the damp and drizzle on your year six residential. I feel  there is a massive part of me missing but I am so proud that you are there joining in with all the activities. I won't speak to you to wish you happy birthday because I know it will make it worse for both of us but I have sung to you many times in my head today.
I am so blown away that you are there with your classmates, that yesterday you went kayaking and Coasteering and were in and out of the water all day. It is a remarkable achievement particularly as you are not fond of the sea or beaches and that you have obvious concerns about keeping your processors safe- you are so dependant on them. I know I am biased but it is truly impressive. Your spirit of adventure always shines through.
I am struggling with the lack of contact but at least I get updates morning and evening from your specialist support workers. I am so glad you loved the presents I packed and hope the card I painstaking Brailled made sense. It's these little things I can do which ensure you get to experience things on your terms. I know your classmates are planning on giving you a Braille card as well. This knowledge (which brought tears to my eyes when I found out) helps me remember that people are looking out for you.
Eleven feels really big and I know you are growing up and moving away from me- just as it should be. This is your last few weeks with the school and classmates that know you so well. Transition preparations have begun and this morning in your honour your dad and I learnt the bus route to your new senior school. Your orientation and mobility officer put us through our paces so we can support you in September. It is scary for us all but I have to trust that the team of professionals around you are doing all they can to make this big change a success.
One thing you will have is a group of friends who will have your back. They helped you celebrate your birthday last week and as I sat on a separate table listening to you chatter and laugh I realised that my birthday wish for you had come true. You are liked and accepted and this lovely group of girls are going with you to high school. This is massively reassuring for you and for me too.
Dearest Chloe I cannot wait to see you tomorrow and carry on celebrating your brilliant life. I am looking forward to cuddles, stories and just having you near again. I will be ready though when I need to let you go again.

All my love always,

Mum